This was the first thing I read this morning.
“Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it's true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. That would be sad. If two people were married and ... they just had a great thing and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times." Comedian Louis C.K.
It was before 7am, the sun was not up and coffee had yet to be ingested. That might be why I questioned how much it resonated at first. It was sarcastic, harsh and yet…boldly and completely true.
Divorce is sad. We were (and sometimes still are) sad. Our children were (and sometimes still are) sad. Endings are often sad. One of the smartest women I’ve had the privilege of knowing, once said to me, “I got divorced once. It had a beginning, a middle and an end. The end was awesome.” And that’s it really, isn’t it? Once you’ve made the decision, then the hard part really becomes getting it done. Getting from the beginning to the end without being enemies, being the best parents and people that we can. But we fall down too. Divorce makes us forget that we were once married to this person, that we loved them. Divorce often overshadows the fact that we might actually feel OK on our own. We forget to see that we are actually growing, rediscovering, shedding negative self-images and even simply laughing more.
Divorce is sad but it needs an end. At some point it gets to be over. As you move closer to the end you realize so many things about yourself. I am stronger, more independent and more badass than I ever knew. This will likely be unpopular, but I AM A BETTER PARENT when parenting alone. I am more present. I am more patient. I am more grateful. I am both more and less rigid and flexible. I am more open. Quite simply, I am more me. I am also learning to be more open to constructive criticism from their dad when I fall down. Words that I’d have been too defensive to hear in the past, now resonate with truth and the need for change.
Divorce is sad but we don’t need to be forever. Our divorce will always be sad, but eventually all of us, we can be happy.